MORE JAKE - BY POPULAR REQUEST

After reading HOW TO DATE DEAD GUYS,
many readers begged for "more Jake."
Per that request,
here's a scene from Jake's past
to give insight into what happens in Book 2.
(This scene is not included in either book.)

A DATE WITH THE KIDNEY DIALYSIS CENTER

            Jake drops his backpack at the fifth station of the kidney dialysis center. "Let's get your weight and temp done right away so the nurse can get started."

            "Yeah. I know." His younger sister Laura steps on the scale. "I've been here before, remember? Okay. Sixty-eight pounds."

            The nurse writes this down. Jake passes Laura the electric thermometer.

            Laura slips on the plastic shield and places it under her tongue. A few seconds later it beeps. "Ninety-eight-point-seven."

            "Great." Jake pumps his arm. "No fever. Let's go!"

            "What's the rush?" Laura asks. "We're gonna be here for four hours no matter what."

            "I know." Jake shrugs. "But I got some stuff I wanna do."

            "Well, keep your pants on." Laura plops into the chair, holding her arm out for the blood pressure cuff.

            Nurse Lisa takes a reading. "You sure are antsy today, Jake. Got a hot date waiting?"

            "Nah." He shakes his head. "I need to go talk to the doctors."

            Laura sighs. "Not this again."

            "Yes, this again."

            Laura scratches her side.

            "Feeling itchier than usual?" asks the nurse.
            "A little."

            "How's your appetite? Your weight's down. The doctor isn't going to like that."

            Laura picks at the hem of her shirt. "I know."

            "All right. End of lecture. Let's get your dialysis started."

            Laura slips off her long-sleeved cover-up, exposing a surgically enlarged vessel. The nurse swabs her arm.

            "I should time you." Jake holds out his watch. "I'll bet you're the fastest one here."

            The nurse raises her eyebrows. "It's not about speed, you know. Dialysis takes time. Lots of time."

            "You're such a moron," Laura side-whispers to him.

            "Runs in the family," he whispers back.

            "You two." The nurse clucks her tongue. "Laura, your fistula site looks healthy. I've applied the Lidocaine cream. Ready for the needles?"

            Laura nods, tensing her jaw.

Disjointed beeping resounds through the room, every monitor at its own pace and rhythm.

            After she tapes in the inserted needles, Lisa removes her gloves. "You're all set. Three hours and fifty-eight minutes to go."

            Laura scans the side table. "Got any new magazines? I've already read these."

            "Sorry, honey, but when you're here three times a week, it's hard to have fresh ones available. Maybe Jake can find you something in the gift shop."

            "That's okay." Laura digs in her bag. "I brought a couple books."

            "Too bad." Nurse Lisa smiles back at them as she moves to another patient. "The high school volunteer at the gift shop has a crush on your brother."

            "That's right." Jake grins, settling into the chair alongside his sister. "No dame can resist my charms."

            Laura rolls her eyes. "You've got to be kidding me—"

            "I am undeniably handsome—" Jake frames his face with his hands like a portrait.

            "You're so embarrassing—"

            "And the most intelligent guy in the world—"

            "Whatever. You couldn't possibly be the smartest guy on the planet."

He shrugs. "That's a fair call. Just in Wisconsin, then."

            She snorts. "What you are is the most obnoxious guy in the state."

"Is that so? Then I don't feel bad about ignoring you long enough to finish my homework." He pulls out a textbook from his bag. "Then we can watch a movie if you want. Anything except Dirty Dancing."

            "You never want to watch that one." Laura glances at the clock. "Three hours and fifty-five minutes to go."

***

            Beep. Beep. Beep.

Dialysis machines chorus around the room. Voices are muffled. Each patient rests in a chair reading, watching a screen, or sleeping.

            Laura pokes Jake. "Are you done yet? I'm bored."

            "Yep." He stuffs his books into his backpack. "What should we do?"

            "I've a great idea." Laura sits up, notebook in hand. "We're both going to make a list of everything we want in a spouse—"

            Jake crinkles his nose. "What the heck? I'm not doing this."

            "But you promised to do whatever I want when we're here."

            He shrugs. "That's before you said we were going to do this."

            "No excuses." She hands him a piece of paper.

            "This sucks."

            "No complaining allowed." She bends over, scribbling away.

            "Fine, but this is stupid." Jake writes for five seconds, then puts down his pencil. "Got it. Are you ready?"

            "No. I just got started."

            "Wake me up when you finish." He closes his eyes, then peeks out. "Aren't you done yet?"

            Laura sighs. "You're such a pest."

            He closes his eyes again, then opens them. "Aren't you done yet?"

            "Be quiet. I'm taking this seriously."

"You're taking this seriously?" Jake laughs. "Why?"

"Because it's important. Duh. All the women's magazines say you gotta know what you want so you don't just settle for whatever man comes along."

"But you're twelve."

"I'm thirteen, and you know it."

He shakes his head. "No. You'll always be twelve to me, and you've never even been on a date."

"Thanks for reminding me. Some of my friends at school already have boyfriends… but I don't."

"You're too young to have a boyfriend."

"That's not it." Laura's shoulders slump. "Boys don't like me that way. They just feel sorry for me."

"No way. You're the prettiest girl in your school class picture."

She stares at her hands. "You're just saying that because you're my brother."

"I am your brother—you're so lucky by the way—"

"What are you—some love expert? You don't know anything about dating."
            Jake puffs up his chest. "Sure I do."

            "No, you don't. You hardly date. And anyone you do date doesn't stick around long. What's that about?"

He shrugs. "It's complicated."

"Then un-complicate it."

He cocks his head to the side. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Definitely."

"Well, the truth is they all get jealous of you."

Laura flushes. "Really? Even Marisa?"

"Yep. She couldn't accept that you always come first, and you're always going to come first. So it ended."

Laura sighs. "I'm ruining your life."

"No, you're not. Don't be silly."

"You shouldn't have just me. What if I die? Then you won't have anybody."

Jake pales. "Don't talk like that. I mean it."

Laura takes a deep breath. "I have to, because it might happen. And you need to be ready."

"No." Jake shakes his head. "Listen, can we talk about something else?"

She grins. "Like me dating some hot guy?"

"Ugh." He groans. "That's it. No more romantic comedy movies for you. You've been poisoned. There's more to life than dating. Lots more. You'll find out once you get better."

"I don't actually care about dating... It's just this." She points at the bulging fistula in her arm. "Nobody can deal with how ugly I am, and it sucks."

Jake grasps her hand. "You're not ugly. Don't ever say that."

Laura lowers her head and mumbles. "Some of the kids at school tell me I am."

Jake's eyes narrow. "Give me their names, and I'll wipe the playground with their ignorant asses."

"No, you won't. I won't let you."

"Just because other people are jerks, don't let them get to you. They're probably just unhappy about something in their own life and taking it out on you."

"I know, but it still hurts to hear it."

Jake carefully puts his arm around her shoulders. "Forget about them. Read me your list. See if I approve."

She folds the paper closed. "You first."

"No way. It was your idea, so you go first."

"Fine. Number one: he must be tall—"

Jake nods. "Of course. You don't want to have short kids, right?"

"What's so bad about being short?"

"You can't reach anything in the kitchen cupboards."

"Fine. No short kids. Okay, number two: he must be cute—"

"Of course no one's ever going to be as cute as me. Try not to be disappointed."

"Yeah. Very funny." Laura clears her throat. "Number three: he must be smart—"

"I'm also smarter than everyone else… in Wisconsin, anyway—"

"That's it! Show me your list first if you're going to keep interrupting."

Jake hands it over.

"But there's only one line."

He shrugs. "I got it covered. Just read it."

"My wife will be awesome… But that doesn't tell me anything."

"Sure it does. Besides, I'm not worried about getting married. I'm only worried about…"

"Me, right?" she whispers. "You're always worried about me."

Jake glances around the room. "I don't want you to have to keep coming here all the time. And I can't bear to think of those kids at school bugging you because of your arm."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I've got a plan."

"I don't always like your plans."

Jake grins. "Sure you do."

Nurse Lisa stops by to check the dialysis machine.

Laura giggles. "Remember when you brought the neighbor kid's karaoke machine in here and forced everyone to sing?"

Jake chuckles. "One of my finer moments."

"Actually, that was a blast," the nurse says. "You should do it again."

Laura groans. "Don't encourage him."

Nurse Lisa pats her on the shoulder. "You feeling all right, honey?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll be back to check again later." The nurse walks away.

Laura yawns.

"Are you okay?" Jake asks.

"I'm just tired."

"Then rest your head on my shoulder and get some sleep."

"Okay." She yawns again.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Fifteen minutes pass as Jake watches his little sister sleep. He brushes her head with a kiss, then whispers: "I'm going to fix this. You're not going to have to come here forever. Not if I can help it. I'm going to make it better… even if it kills me."

Now available on AMAZON!

GOAT CHILDREN by JORDAN ELIZABETH

GOAT CHILDREN

A young adult novel with a touch of fantasy, love, and imagination versus reality.

When Keziah’s grandmother, Oma, is diagnosed with dementia, Keziah faces two choices: leave her family and move to New Winchester to care for Oma, or stay in New York City and allow her grandmother to live in a nursing home miles away.

The dementia causes Oma to be rude and paranoid, nothing like the woman Keziah remembers. Each day becomes a greater weight and love a harsher burden. Keziah must keep Oma from wandering off or falling, and try to convince her grandmother to see a doctor as her eyesight and hearing fail, but Oma refuses to believe anything is wrong. Resentful of her hardships in New Winchester, Keziah finds herself drawn to Oma’s ramblings about the Goat Children, a mythical warrior class. These fighters ride winged horses, locating people in need, while attempting to destroy evil in the world. Oma sees the Goat Children everywhere, and as Keziah reads the stories Oma wrote about them, she begins to question if they really exist.

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GOAT CHILDREN is now available on AMAZON from CHBB.

Check out early reviews on GoodReads!

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Check out Chapter 1:

Bodies crushed against each other, a blur of hair and clothes, in the mad dash to exit the subway. The air smelled of the greasy restaurants above and felt stuffy, despite the bitter cold that rattled through the damp subway tunnel. My mouth watered as I sniffed roasted chestnuts.

You haven’t eaten dinner yet, my rumbling stomach scolded.

I slipped past a man speaking rapid Spanish to board the train, grabbed a pole, slid on to a seat, and pulled my green bag higher towards my chest. The two paperbacks inside jammed into my ribs. With a groan, I shifted into a new position, wondering what glorious worlds awaited within the glossy covers.

“Whoa ho, ho, ho.”

More people ranting on the subway. It could never be a quiet ride. I opened my bag to peer at the fantasy novels. I’d chosen thick books because they lasted longer and made the reading more rewarding.

“Ho, little one.”

A face shoved into mine from the aisle, and I jerked back, squeaking. Oily black hair hung over a scarred forehead. The man swayed, braying a laugh. I glanced at the woman with bright pink hair sitting on the next seat. She read a newspaper without looking up.

“So much to you.” The man licked his lips and slurred the words.

His pungent odor clawed its way through my nose; no escaping the invisible fumes. They washed over me with groping draws until my eyes watered. I cringed, my craving for chestnuts gone. Anyone on a diet would be thankful to have him around.

He stood, clinging to a pole with one gloved hand. Threads poked from the torn seams in the gripping brown leather. Two duffel bags, stained with mud, rested near his feet, bulging with contents.

I lowered my gaze, clutching the bag tighter. Please go away. I shouldn’t have taken the subway, but I’d done it to save time. Even though I was seventeen, Mama said it wasn’t safe to ride alone, and now, I agreed.

I’m not gonna be home by my seven o’clock curfew. Mama’s gonna freak. I can’t believe I forgot my phone.

“You don’t belong on this world.” He smacked his lips. Behind his head, a large sign told the public not to smoke, or they’d get lung cancer and die. It was easier to stare at the anti-smoking sign than him.

“Yes, thank you,” I mumbled as he leered at me. Even if he lacked a home and suffered from insanity, he didn’t deserve rudeness.

“You like fantasy?”

I stared at my lap, but when he repeated the question louder, I nodded.

“What would ya do if fantasy became your life? What would ya do if it wasn’t fantasy anymore?”

“Fantasy isn’t real.” I shifted my gaze to my black socks. They came up to my thighs and the right sock had a tiny hole near the knee. I’d have to sew it when I got home. If I studied it, maybe he’d grow bored and mosey on elsewhere.

“Are you happy here? Don’t you want more, little one? I can take you to another world.” His deep breaths made snot rattle in his nose.

I gagged, hiding my mouth behind my hand. The woman with the newspaper glanced over. I pleaded silently for her to make the man go away, but she moved to an empty seat down the car, wrinkling her nose. I still had five more stops before I could get away.

Do I dare follow her?

“Don’t you believe in destiny?”

What if he sits next to me? I slid my bag onto the empty seat, clutching the handle. As the subway curved around the corner, it screeched, the sound echoing through the metallic enclosure as if screaming, “Doom!”

“I’ve been to other lands. I’ve seen my future, and I spit at it.” He turned his head to hack on the floor. The saliva bubbled with a yellowish hue.

The subway squealed to a halt, and some of the passengers stood to exit. I removed the bag in case someone new sat down, someone safe, but no one came near or looked at us as they found seats. The doors slid shut, and the train moved again. Four more stops to go.

“Don’t shun fantasy. I’ve made mistakes and don’t want you to make ‘em too. Take it and see what you can do. Take it!” He pumped his fist, revealing grease stains on his coat sleeves.

I scanned the other passengers’ faces. They ignored us, although the ranting man filled the car with his voice. Only the smiling faces on wall advertisements watched. Ever-smiling, ever-trapped in their realm of sales. I fiddled with the zipper on the front of my gray hoodie, heart racing.

The subway halted at the next station. Again, people exited and entered, and no one sat beside me. Three more stops to go. I drummed my fingers against my thigh.

“I know all about the ones they call the Goats.” He drew a ragged breath. “I’m not supposed to, but I know. My wife was one. She told me all about them. Oh, yes, she did. She wasn’t supposed to, but she did. They don’t let them take over the world. They won’t!”

Why do crazies always go for alien invasions? I twirled my brown curls. I’d get off at the next stop and walk the rest of the way, even if I arrived home later.

What if he follows me?

“The Goats!” He flapped his arm.

Alien goat invasion. How awesome. I jumped and clutched my bag like a shield. The subway screeched as it approached the next station. I wanted to run, but he waved both arms, repeating the scream.

The doors swished open, but if I stood to escape, he could attack. Two more stops to go. What if I can’t escape at my stop, either?

As soon as the subway started, he lowered his arm and drew a few breaths. He reeked of alcohol, and overpowering the sweat stench, the stench made my head swirl.

“Beware of the Goats.” His chest heaved. “Help the Goats. Save the Goats!”

He really is deranged. There weren’t any goats in New York City that I’d ever seen.

“Yes, I will.” Go away. “I’ll … I’ll watch out for the goats.”

“The Goats,” he corrected, as if I’d mispronounced the word. He picked up his duffel bags and waddled to the back of the car, where he dropped onto a seat. He took a small paperback book from the pocket of his trench coat and flipped it open.

When the doors swished open at the next stop, I exited in the crush of bodies. People coughed and spoke, heels clicked and wheels on backpacks rolled, and the sounds echoed off the stone walls.

I slid through the turnstile and bolted up the cement steps two at a time, the edges cracked and crumbled and graffiti decorated the walls with images of fire and obscene language. The brightness of the paint, and the harsh edges that curved and sang were beautiful. The scrawls seemed to want to leap off the stone, suddenly alive.

At the top, I grasped the railing. Cold, dented metal bit through the fishnet of my fingerless gloves while I gazed over my shoulder. The people emerging didn’t spare me a glance. I was lost in the crowd, a stationary fixture.

The man wasn’t following. I ducked my head to push into the crowd. People bumped into me, jostling with elbows and bags. I almost walked into a tourist, who snapped a picture of the taxicabs.

“Hey,” called a stout vender from the corner. “You okay?”

I tucked back a brown curl. “I’m fine, but thanks.” Wind whipping between the skyscrapers stole the power of my words.

“Wanna dog?” He held one out, nestled in a white roll.

“No, thanks. I don’t eat meat.”

“Good,” I thought I heard him whisper. “Your kind shouldn’t.”

He couldn’t have spoken. It must’ve been someone else. It wouldn’t make sense for a man who made his living off people scarfing down meat-in-a-tube to agree with my vegetarian lifestyle.

I ogled the sea of metal vehicles washed in the afternoon sunlight like sharks swarming for a fresh kill. I shook off the thought and ran, an empty Styrofoam cup crunching beneath my foot. I didn’t have a watch, but the sun hung low in the sky.

A thought raced through my mind as the sun made windows wink and flash.

Beware of Goats.

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“Long line at the bookstore.” I dropped my bag on the marble table beside the door to my family’s condo. Instrumental Celtic music wafted from the living room as I left the small foyer, and I almost tripped over my sprawled little sister.

“Phebe, you shouldn’t lie on the floor.”

“Why are you home so late?” Phebe dragged an orange crayon over the page of her coloring book. Her ponytail bobbed as she tipped her head, studying the picture. “You should’ve taken me with you. Mommy said so.”

“I’m sure she did.” I rolled my eyes.

When I’d left earlier, Phebe had still been doing her mathematics homework. We were home schooled, so even in the summer, we had work to do. It sucked because other home schooled students I knew had summers off. That was our penalty for having a mother with a Master’s degree in elementary education.

“Where’re Mama and Dad?”

Phebe sat up on her knees with her eyebrows knit together. “Mommy’s crying.”

My heart sunk and dropped clear out of my stomach. Mama never got that upset when I came home late. Did she find out about the party last weekend at Tiffany’s? I’d lied and said it was only going to be Tiff, her parents and siblings, and me. I hadn’t mentioned her parents were in Vancouver on vacation or that Tiff had invited all of her friends, not just me. Regret stabbed my gut.

“Mama, I’m home! Mama?”

The family photographs glared at me from the wall, none so reprimanding as the face of my Reverend Uncle. I kicked off my flats and hurried into my parents’ bedroom. With the lamp off, only a little light slipped through the closed venetian blinds covering the single window.

Short brown hair fanned over the plaid pillowcase, and Mama lay sideways on the king-sized bed, a crumpled tissue pressed against her nose. Dad sat beside her, stroking her shoulders. He still wore his suit from work—an even worse sign. The first thing Dad did when he walked through the door was peel off his jacket and toss the tie onto the table.

“Mama?” My voice cracked as my throat constricted.

“Your uncle called.” Dad tugged on his green silk tie that should’ve been lost in the pile of mail, not still fastened around his neck.

“Uncle Tom?”

The Reverend in Massachusetts, Dad’s younger brother, only called once a month, on the first Friday. Even though we called him Uncle Tom around the house, we all referred to him as Pastor Thomas to his face.

“No, Uncle Jan.”

Mama’s brother, the one who called less than Uncle Tom did.

“What…what did he want? Has someone died?” Oh no, is it my grandmother? Uncle Jan lived upstate, in the same town as her.

“Keziah, it’s your grandmother,” Dad continued.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. When I’d been younger, we’d lived down the street from Mama’s mother. She had taken care of me while my parents worked, and we’d often picked violets in the yard. Sometimes, I imagined I could smell their perfume years later and hundreds of miles away.

I’d always called her Oma, which meant grandmother in Dutch. I could still remember the way I’d cried and screamed, begging to stay with Oma when we’d moved to New York City. The hours separating us seemed like an eternity.

“She has dementia.” Dad removed his tie and knotted it around his fingers.

I blinked at him. “Dementia?” Demented, like the man on the subway?

“She hasn’t been officially diagnosed, but the symptoms are there. Uncle Jan doesn’t feel she can live on her own anymore.” Dad dropped his tie onto the alarm clock.

“So…she’s moving in with Uncle Jan?” I pictured waking up from a sleepover at Oma’s house with fresh squeezed orange juice waiting in the kitchen beside a bowl of cream of wheat cereal, steamy and sweet.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Oma would sing. She’d pull out the chair, the seat hideous and green, leftover from the 1970s. It had been an honor to sit at the kitchen table with her.

Dad rubbed his chin. “Your aunt won’t let her do that.”

I grinned. “She’s moving in with us? That’s amazing!” I only saw Oma on school holidays, and that summer, we’d had to pass because Mama had taught a summer school class.

“You know that wouldn’t work.” Dad gazed at the dresser across the room, a fog coming over his eyes.

I pulled at a loose thread on my black skirt. If Oma moved in, then Dad would have to move out or risk family war. The yelling would never stop. She hated Dad with a roaring passion I’d never understood. That anger had contributed to the reason why we’d moved, and when we visited Oma, Dad never went.

“Your uncle wants to put her in a home.” Dad leaned over to rub a spot on the wall’s blue paint as if that space was the problem, and he could make it disappear.

I licked my dry lips. “You mean like a nursing home?”

“No!” Mama rose on her elbows. “I’m not putting my mother in a nursing home. Do you know how they treat their patients? It’s horrible. All those people. Oma would hate it. She’s so antisocial these days. Really hate it.”

“Hush. Come on, sweetheart. It’s all right. We won’t put her in a home.” Dad combed his fingers through her hair.

“Why would Uncle Jan want to do that?” I didn’t know anything about nursing homes, but Mama was right. Oma had become one of the most antisocial people I’d ever met.

“It’s your aunt.” Dad patted Mama’s back. “She wants to put your grandmother away. It’s getting too hard to take care of her, and she won’t let her move in with them. You know how your aunt can be.”

My aunt could be downright nasty—a sickish combination of stubborn and controlling. Dad was too nice to say that aloud, though.

“What are we going to do?” My question made Mama cry harder, and I flinched.

“We’ll think of something,” Dad whispered.

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About the Author:

Jordan Elizabeth, formally Jordan Elizabeth Mierek, is known for her odd sense of humor and her outrageous outfits.  Surrounded by bookshelves, she can often be found pounding away at her keyboard – she’s known for breaking keyboards, too.  Jordan’s young adult novels include ESCAPE FROM WITCHWOOD HOLLOW, COGLING, TREASURE DARKLY, and BORN OF TREASURE.  GOAT CHILDREN is her first novel with CHBB.  Her short stories are featured in over twenty anthologies.  Check out her website for bonus scenes and contests. 

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