Confession: I am a complete sucker for animals. These pictures are totally unrelated to this blog entry, except for the fact that Daisy (the puppy in the picture) helps me type by snoozing by my feet. Looking at this picture forces me to realize that Daisy now looks more like Maggie (the older dog in the picture, who is sadly no longer with us) than she does the pup.
A BIG THANK YOU TO
THE FIRST FIVE PAGES WORKSHOP
AND THE MENTOR, S.T. UNDERDAHL
AND, LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, MARTINA AT ADVENTURES IN YA PUBLISHING...
This month I entered a workshop (http://firstfivepagesworkshop.blogspot.com/) to polish the first five pages of my Young Adult book via a weekly feedback and revision process. Here are the results:
Prologue – To Find the Perfect Girl
Wesley’s hands trembled as solutions in glass flasks
percolated. Yellow, orange, and green
fluids coursed through tubing and collected in glass beakers.
Please be a match.
The collected samples of hair from the prince and the maiden
in question curled together in a small cauldron upon the tripod. Wesley carefully added the distilled
concoctions, turned up the flame underneath, then stepped back.
The cauldron steamed in the sweltering laboratory. As the experiment rose to a boil, Wesley’s
heart raced. His unruly hair fell into
his eyes. He swiped the damp strands
away before extinguishing the flame. He
watched the solution cool as sweat ran down his neck.
Please be red. Put an end to this.
The fluid continued to bubble for a long while, turning from
purple to pink to...
It’s going to be red! She’s the one! I am saved!
With a loud belch, the solution curdled and turned black. And stayed that way.
Wesley dropped his head in his hands.
I better warn that
sweet girl before Duncan
Chapter One – The Prince Needs a Wife
Maria heard the front door slam. Her nap interrupted, she rubbed her eyes and
glanced around the tranquil family library. Her younger sister Anna leaned over their
father’s shoulder as he sat in his favorite stuffed chair. Anna’s finger trailed a great river across
the map which lay open on his massive wooden desk.
Maria yawned and stretched, then picked up the book she’d
dropped next to her in the window seat. She
peered outside, hoping to avoid her mother’s constant criticisms: “Maria—sit
up straight and fix your hair!” or “Maria—tighten your corset before Lady Peafowl
tells everyone you’ve gained weight!”
She tensed as footfalls approached the library door. Oh no,
here she comes…
A few seconds later, Mother Leon burst into the
library. “Oh, my dears—I have such news
for you!”
Maria sat up. “What
is it, Mother?”
“The prince is coming!” Mother Leon announced.
“Here?” Maria eyed the cluttered bookshelves, worn
furniture, and faded tapestries. The
prince had been touring Desiderata for the last two years in search of a
suitable wife, but Maria had never thought he would come to their home.
Mother Leon sighed. “No,
of course not, dear. He’s been invited
to the Pekipsies’ estate for their annual Summer Festival.”
Father Leon
Mother Leon shook her head.
“No need to dig into the past, dear.
I’m more concerned about the girls’ future.” She turned to her daughters with a gleam in
her eyes. “Anna’s fifteen, the perfect
age to be presented! And, Maria…” Mother Leon narrowed her eyes. “Maria, step forward, please.”
She left the window seat and stood before her mother, trying
her best to hide a stain in the back of her dress from where she’d sat in the
damp grass earlier that morning.
“What happened to your dress?” Mother Leon shrilled. “You’re more careless now than you were as a
child, I swear!”
Maria’s cheeks burned as her mother dismissed her and turned
to evaluate Anna, who somehow always looked perfect.
“Anna, my dear, your golden hair glows like the sun and your
waist is smaller than mine was at your age.”
Mother Leon circled her youngest daughter like a cat. “Let’s see what we can do to make you look
your best at the Festival.”
Anna turned frightened eyes towards her older sister. “Help me,” she mouthed.
***
An hour later, Maria followed her parents’ angry voices down
the hallway and paused outside their bedroom door to listen.
“We’re not in the poor house yet,” Mother Leon pleaded. “We still have our pride. This is Anna’s chance at a royal marriage!”
“Where do you think we’ll end up, if you spend the last of
our borrowed gold on gowns for the girls?” Father Leon
“Then we will only get a new gown for Anna. If she marries Prince Bane, it will put an
end to all of our troubles.”
Maria hurried down the hall.
She burst into her bedroom, slammed the door shut, and fought back tears. Bright afternoon sunlight fell through the
window and caught on the vanity mirror.
Maria gazed at her reflection. A
tall girl, almost a woman, with long auburn hair and intelligent blue eyes
stared back.
She watched herself swipe at the smudge of dirt on her
cheek, the leaf stuck in her hair, and the scrape on her elbow. Then Maria frowned and moved away from the
vanity. As she passed by the window, she
noticed Anna working in the garden.
***
Blue skies cheered Maria’s spirits as she hurried outside,
but one glance at her sister’s face told her she didn’t feel the same. “Anna, are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”
“Maria…” Anna took a
shuddering breath. “I don’t want to go
to the Summer Festival.”
“Why not? It was
loads of fun last year.”
Anna shrugged. “For
you, maybe. But there’s so many people there,
all staring at me, and waiting for me to say something clever…but I never know
what to say to them.”
“Then stick by me, and I’ll be clever enough for both of
us.” Maria winked.
Anna attempted a weak smile, but faltered. “Besides…I don’t like the way Mother looks at
me, like I’m the fattened pig about to be slaughtered.”
Maria chuckled. “It’s
better than the way she looks at me—like I’m the spider she forgot to kill
before important company came over.”
“That’s not true!
Mother loves us both the same!”
“If you say so. Now
move over—you over-trimmed that arbor vitae.”
“No, I didn’t.” Anna
shook her head. “The deer got in here
again.”
Maria sighed. “We’ve
gotta fix that gate. Come on and give me
a hand. Or two.”
Both girls grappled with the broken gate. Finally, after much sweating and swearing
(both on Maria’s part, Anna did nothing of the sort), Maria gave the gate a
final heft and slid the bolt back into place.
Maria grinned.
“That’ll keep those thieving buggars out!”
“They’re just hungry—you know how that feels.”
“I don’t care. They
have to find their meals somewhere else.
We’ll be the ones to starve if they don’t.” Maria swatted at the newest dirty spot on her
gown, smearing it even worse than before.
“Look at you!” Anna gasped.
“You’ve ruined another dress!
Mother will have a fit!”
“Don’t I know it! Oh,
bother, there’s no point.” Maria stopped
fussing with her dress and moved over to examine the sparse arbor vitae. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and
brushed her open hands slowly back and forth across the branches. Soon, fresh greenery filled up the gaps.
“Be careful, Maria.”
Anna glanced around. “What if
someone sees you?”
“Who would see me?
There’s no one out here but us.”
“I hope you’re right.
You know what they say about us in town.”
Maria snorted. “You
worry too much, Anna. What could they
possibly say? That it’s a pity to see a
noble family reduced to selling berries to get by? That it must be magic we can grow anything in
here with our fence in shambles and a broken gate?”
Anna smiled. “At
least that much is true.”
“You know what they really
say about us, Anna? Nothing. No one even notices us anymore. That’s what comes from being poor. Now come on, we should fix that hole in the
fence, too.”
I really like it. A sort of Cinderella feel with magic and a lovable little sister. (Not that Cinderella didn't have magic in it, but SHE didn't have magic, and things are always much better when the princess isn't helpless.)
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