Saturday, April 2, 2016

How to juggle witchcraft, murderous rivers and ghosts, and still look good to date.

By Chrissy Peterson, Emma's much more fashionable roommate
in Book 1 - How to Date Dead Guys

First of all, I have a complaint against the author of this novel. As Emma's roommate, I should be in more scenes. But, no, I'm practically ignored. And it's because of me that everything happens. If I hadn't dragged Emma to an awesome party that night, she never would've even met Mike Carlson.

That's right. I'm the true reason everything happened. Without me, Emma would still be in our dorm room eating Pringles and reading some silly children's book about "Ann of the Green House," or some such title.

So remember that. And try to pay more attention to me. Everyone else does, so you should, too.

At least the author was smart enough to realize that, on the topics of beauty and dating, I was the best person to consult.

Now you have to understand that it took me a while to realize what was going on with Emma. It's not like she shares much with me. One time, when we still lived together, she seemed depressed. I thought somebody died or something. It took me three whole days to drag out of her that she got a "B" on a test. Why didn't she just say that in the first place? Emma is so weird sometimes. She has this "thing" about not talking about her grades to anyone.

Back to my list of helpful hints that Emma should obey to improve her life:


The problem with Emma is that she doesn't respect the fact that a healthy person needs 6-8 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes she stays up way too late or gets up far too early to study. Then after Mike died, she had troubles with nightmares. I really think she should've gone into therapy for this. She might've avoided a lot of trouble that way. Sleep is very important, both to feel and look good. If Emma would've just taken a hot bath and some melatonin before bed, and talked to a counselor about her guilty conscience, then she would've gotten the sleep she needed. And proper rest is necessary before making important decisions. Everything went wrong simply because Emma didn't get enough sleep.


If there's one thing Emma sucks at, it's dressing herself. She looks like an eighth grade boy with those cargo shorts and purple Converse tennis shoes. I mean, this is college. It's time to look pretty, wear a skirt now and then to show off your legs, and do something with your hair besides slinging it up in a ponytail. But she'll never listen to me. It's hopeless.


College is a wonderful place to explore new things, but, of course, Emma would choose something bizarre like witchcraft instead of the proper things like yoga, concert choir, or cheerleading. I don't know where she gets these ideas. Why would you choose an activity that you can't include on a resume someday? I just don't understand her at all.


Emma must not watch enough TV, or something, but I've seen tons of very educational programs on this topic. Ghosts simply don't exist. Sometimes my sister, Angie, and I fight about this, because she says Grandma still talks to her-which is ridiculous, because Grandma's been dead for years. But you have to understand that Angie is my kid sister, and still kind of immature. She's into that witchcraft stuff, too. Sometimes I tell her she should stop, but she never listens.

To be honest, I have one, tiny confession to admit-I had her do a love spell for me once. But it was only that one time, I swear.


Another one of Emma's many problems is that she's too intense. She doesn't know how to relax. If she's so obsessed with the river, she should just take its lead and learn to "go with the flow." Why does she always have to fight everything? Why can't she just take it easy? I tried taking her to one of my yoga relaxation classes once, but she kept sighing through the whole thing like she was bored to death. Then, afterwards, instead of thanking me for expanding her horizons, all she could do was complain about the smell of everyone's feet. I give up.

Well, there you go. This is my list and if Emma would only listen to me, her life would be so much better.

And if you ever need a Life Coach, just give me a call.
I'm here to help.

-Chrissy Peterson.

I don't get to do much in Book 2,
but there's a rumor I come back to cause mischief in Book 3!


  1. This was an amusing piece, Ann. A good intro into the characters that populate your series. Chrissy seems like an amusing character!

    1. Thank you! I've found that side characters sometimes take on a voice of their own that perhaps the author doesn't get to explore enough within the book itself. :)